i stumbled upon a website the other night that i quite enjoy. it’s called the niceguysofokc.
and for those of you who don’t know: okc is short for “okcupid”. it’s a free dating site that a lot of youngsters and a few oldsters use. there is the normal information section where you describe yourself and then there are questions you can answer to find out how much of a match you are with other people. and one of the most significant things about okc is that everyone is welcome–gay, bi, straight, polyamorous, loveseeking, sexseeking, friendseeking–everyone.
but, as niceguys demonstrates, it’s also a great place to find stupid people.
or as they are frequently called: douchebags.
niceguys, on his/her blog, chooses to feature men that genuinely think they’re nice.
they all say somewhere on their profile that “i’m a nice guy” “i always get friendzoned” “i treat women the way they should be treated and yet those bitches won’t bang me”.
and after their self-declared niceness–in some way shape or form–these douches proceed to display to what extent they are not actually “nice guys”.
and because i cannot help but find somewhat unrelated topics in places that don’t warrant depth [woop], this blog made me think about the version of feminism i subscribe to.
and it really isn’t just feminism. it’s peopleism.
because it’s not just about how girls are allowed to act but boys too.
i can strongly get behind the message of niceguys. the writer is firmly against homophobia. and declarations of obligation.
for example. women are not. and never will be. obligated. to shave their legs.
just because i’m a girl does not mean i must dehair myself for your enjoyment.
of course, sometimes i do trim back the leg hair.
and i understand if someone prefers my legs to be shaved. but. it will always be my choice to accomodate someone else’s preference.
similarly, men can wear make up. and they don’t have to be gay to do it.
sure. i don’t expect every man to choose the makeupway. but it’s not wrong if a guy does.
again. you don’t need to prefer it. but if you’re a guy who wants to wear makeup then go ahead.
and this is what i mean about peopleism.
i as an individual am not obligated to do anything because my gender demands it of me.
i can burp. i can wear dresses. i can open my own door. or you can do it for me. i can pay the bill. and i can let you pay it too. i don’t have to be a mother. and i can be the fuckin president. but then again. i can be a mother. and that doesn’t take away from my inherent dominance. i can have safe sex as much as i want. and i can also choose to not put out even if you buy me dinner. i can do burlesque. take off as much clothes as i want. and it’s not because i want a man to appreciate me. i can grow my leg hair out. wear men’s cologne. and i can wear lipstick.
and i can even like. when a man wears lipstick too.
this is what i mean by gender equality. no one wants to be strapped down by obligations.
especially if those obligations prevent us from being who we choose to be.
the irony that niceguysofokc exemplifies is quite funny.
but the level of ignorance that these guys portray really isn’t.
they are the people that stand in the way of gender equality.
and their utmost conviction that they are in the right–they are the nice guys after all–is what reminds those of us who don’t want to be kept in a pink or blue box that there is still.
a lot of work to be done.