i’m waking up.
hoping that i’m not in the same terrible mood i’ve been in off and on for the last few days. or the last week. i lost track.
as i have been almost every moment of these last days while i watch my lactase enzymes float away into this bleak lactose intolerant future.
evidently as i write this. i’m still tired. my dreams are gracing me with thoughts of nothing but failure.
of moving so far away in so little time. but the thought of staying here in a life i’ve nearly outgrown is scarier yet.
as i attempt to find words from someone i would like more from and realize how cold it feels to be purposefully put on the back burner.
[not even accidentally.
examined. pondered. purposefully.]
at this moment and drinking my tear infused coffee, not sure that the end to this week is anywhere in sight.
the clouds haven’t stopped suffocating the sun’s existence.
i’m no most rested.
than when i closed my eyes yesternight.
i’m mentally recording.
every lovely thing that’s happening in this hopeless state of mind, so i can give them the appreciation they deserves whenever my exuberance returns.
[and for now.]
i’m going to drink more coffee.
and try to pretend
that the sun in shining.