i spent this snowy spring day doing what all of us should do from time to time.
i thought about my past mistakes.
recently. i had someone speak words to me of complete insecurity.
of anxiety. and heavy. heavy. self deprecation.
at first. as i sat there and listened. i was angry at the stupidity. the delusion. and the disappointment.
i didn’t understand how someone could exist so inaccurately.
have the inability to see reality as it stands.
as they lie about everything. in order to hide from their own self-doubt.
all the while looking at me with both such confusion and such certainty.
but as i watched the snow fall. all over my april afternoon.
i remembered that i also. have been that foolish.
i. once. let my insecurities govern my existence.
ruin my decisions.
and take away every potential possibility.
in the dead of night. unable to sleep. i let my uncertainties about the world overthrow my desires for it.
in watching the piles of snow fall, i found camaraderie.
i realized the similarities in these circumstances.
and remembered the distinct reality my mistakes brought to my life.
to this end.
my anger began to reside.
the disappointment faded into understanding.
and the snow continued to grace my spring.